Hardest Day of My Life

Today was my first day back at work and it was the hardest day of my life. I woke up at 5:30 am and bawled my eyes out. I did not want to take my little man to day care. I wasn't ready for this. We left the house at 7:00 am and I cried the entire way to Mrs. L's house.  Luckily I was able to get it together to take him inside and drop him off. Grayson was fine and didn't even make a peep. I took one more look at him and kissed him goodbye. I barely made it out the door before I started bawling again.

I cried the entire way to work. It was a long hour and a half drive thanks to a wreck. I have never felt so sad and guilty in my life. I pulled it together when I got to work but lost it again when everyone started asking about Grayson. I tried to get to work but all I could think about was how much I missed Grayson. I kept looking at the clock to see if it was time to leave. I called to check on him about noon and Mrs. L told me he was doing fine but he had been a little fussy and wasn't to interested in eating. I then regretted calling because I started bawling all over again.

Finally it was time to leave and I drove as fast as I could to go pick him up. I finally got to Mrs. L's and he smiled at me when I took him from Mrs. L's arms. She said it was the first smile from him all day. My heart was so happy that he missed me. Now we are home and I am contemplating skipping dinner because I don't want to put him down. Yes, I am typing one handed.

This was the hardest day of my life. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I sure hope this gets easier like every one keeps telling me. I don't know how all of you working moms do this.

Just Like Daddy?

I think Grayson looks just like his daddy.  Grayson even sleeps with his arm up by his face just like in the picture of Dustin.  I don't have any of my baby pictures here at my house but I did look at them when I was at my parent's house and trust me....he looks nothing like me.

My poor baby has acid reflux. I am going to pick up his medicine here in a little bit. He spits up pretty much everything he eats and hasn't been that interested in eating lately.  I have to keep a bib on him at all times.  I hope the medicine will work and make him feel better.  I have been worried about him not eating.

Happy Wednesday! Only 3 more days until I go back to work. I am not ready for this. :(

Life Lately.....

~Sorry I haven't updated in a while.  I have been soaking up every minute I can with Grayson. I can't believe I only have one week left before I have to go back to work. I cry just thinking about it.  Everyone says that once I get back into the swing of things it will get easier. I'm not so sure I believe them.

~ I can't believe Grayson will be 8 weeks old this coming Friday. Where does the time go? He is so much fun. When he smiles at me he melts my heart.

My sweet little monkey!

~ We have decided on a date for Grayson's baptism.  We are shooting for October 17. I just need to call the church. I better start looking for an outfit now. I have no idea what I want him to wear. I do know that I am not feeling the whole baptism gown thing.

~ This past weekend we celebrated these two goofball's birthdays.

My future brother in law Clark and my hubby. Clark is turning 24 on August 25 and my hubby is turning 27 on September 10. We celebrated a little early. I didn't get any pictures because I forgot my camera. I can't believe my husband is turning 27. We met when we were 18 and we are both fixing to be 3 years shy of 30. CrAzY!

~ My mom and I braved the mall on Saturday during tax free weekend. I had actually forgotten it was tax free weekend until I bought an outfit for Grayson.  Then I realized that was why the mall was so darn crowded.

~ Yesterday we went and visited Dustin's parents. It was good to see them and Grayson had a good time. He laughed and smiled at everyone. 

~ The season finale of Army Wives was so good. I can't wait until next season. I also watched The Kardashians and I am pumped for Bachelor Pad tonight. I am also anxiously awaiting fall TV.

~ Speaking of fall, fall weather can come anytime it wants. The sooner the better. These 100 degree days are brutal.

~ My house is so dirty and it needs to be cleaned desperately. I can't find the energy to clean it though. I would rather hold Grayson or play with him.

~ I can't wait to get my hair done this Thursday. My roots are terrible! 

~ I love my new blog design by Leslie @ Sweetie Baby's Custom Blog Design. It was definitely time to update the blog.

Have a great week!

On My Mind

I have two weeks left of maternity leave and I can't stop thinking about going back to work. I am so worried, scared, nervous, sad and whole bunch of other emotions.  I thought I would share my feelings in hopes that any of you working moms that read my blog will leave me some advice.  I never thought going back to work would be this hard.

I really wish that I could be a stay at home mom for the first year or two but there just isn't a way to make it work financially right now.  Dustin and I don't live outside our means (we make enough to pay all our bills and still have money left over for savings) and we don't have any debt.  If I quit working we would literally be cutting our income in half.  Even if Dustin got a different part time job paying more money it still wouldn't make up for the loss of my income. 

I went to daycare when I was 6 weeks old and I turned out just fine.  In fact I have no worries what so ever about the level of care Grayson will get at Mrs. L's.  I have heard and still continue to hear so many great things about her.  She called me after Grayson was born to check in and she is the sweetest lady.  I know that Grayson will be in great hands. I think he will benefit by being in daycare.  Maybe not so much right now but when he gets a little older. I think the structure and interaction with other kids will be good for him.  It is just that I want to be the one taking care of him everyday. I feel like I am going to miss so much.  It doesn't help that I commute an hour to work each day.  That is just less time to spend with my little man each day.  I just keep feeling guilty and I have this huge fear that Grayson will forget me.  I mean after all he will spend the majority of his waking hours during the week with Mrs. L.  I know that I am being ridiculous but I can't help but fear that he will forget me.  

Then there is the flip side. A very very small part of me is excited to get back to work and have some adult interaction.  I love my office.  I love the people I work with and I couldn't ask for a better boss.  He is so family oriented and so understanding.  The only thing I hate about my job is the commute.  I also keep thinking that by me working Dustin and I are able to provide more for Grayson and any future children we may have.  By having two incomes we can do more things, save more money, save more for retirement and for Grayson's college.  We actually went and started an account for his college this week.  It is crazy to think about doing something like that when he is just 6 weeks old but there is no telling how much college will cost when he is 18.  If we have any future children we will just be that much more ahead in savings.  I was lucky enough that my parents put me through college and I didn't have any debt when I graduated.  I want to be able to do the same for my children.  Plus who knows how hard it would be to get back into the working world after being gone for several years.  Would anyone hire me and I would probably start all over again in terms of salary (not that I make tons of money now). 

I didn't write this post so that anyone would feel sorry for me.  I don't feel sorry for myself.  I hope that these are normal feelings of any working mother.  So hopefully someone will tell me this is normal. Ha! There are tons of kids that go to daycare and they are just fine.  I keep reminding myself of that. So if you are a working mom or going to be a working mom I appreciate any advice you may have!

I will leave you with this sweet picture!

   

Is Anyone With Me?

I may or may not be watching this tonight.

Is anyone else as pathetic as me and going to watch?  ABC has done it again.  They have suckered me into watching.

My Little Man

Photos taken by Kendall of Kendall Stoy Photography. I love them! They turned out better than I ever could have expected.  

Football Fanatics

Okay I wouldn't call us fanatics but we are pretty crazy about football in this house.  Since it is August I can officially say football season is here!  I love this time of year.  Dustin and I are big college football fans...especially the Big 12.  I was pretty bummed a few months ago when there was talk of the Big 12 splitting up.  They eventually decided to stay together with the exception of Nebraska and Colorado.  I guess now you could say they are the Big 10. 

This year we have a new fan in our house hold and he is all ready for football season.

I am a Red Raider fan and Dustin is a Longhorn fan.  So I wouldn't offend Dustin, I ordered a Longhorn onesie for Grayson.  I may or may not have told Dustin that Grayson was not allowed to wear burnt orange in public. Ha! Besides Grayson told me he is a Red Raider fan like his Mommy!

There is a lot of cute college gear for babies and I wanted to buy one of everything but I refrained.  I sure hope Grayson loves football as much as we do when he gets older.  We also love the Dallas Cowboys too but I have yet to buy any Cowboy gear for Grayson.  Yes you can call me crazy! 

Are any of you as excited about football as I am??