I have two weeks left of maternity leave and I can't stop thinking about going back to work. I am so worried, scared, nervous, sad and whole bunch of other emotions. I thought I would share my feelings in hopes that any of you working moms that read my blog will leave me some advice. I never thought going back to work would be this hard.
I really wish that I could be a stay at home mom for the first year or two but there just isn't a way to make it work financially right now. Dustin and I don't live outside our means (we make enough to pay all our bills and still have money left over for savings) and we don't have any debt. If I quit working we would literally be cutting our income in half. Even if Dustin got a different part time job paying more money it still wouldn't make up for the loss of my income.
I went to daycare when I was 6 weeks old and I turned out just fine. In fact I have no worries what so ever about the level of care Grayson will get at Mrs. L's. I have heard and still continue to hear so many great things about her. She called me after Grayson was born to check in and she is the sweetest lady. I know that Grayson will be in great hands. I think he will benefit by being in daycare. Maybe not so much right now but when he gets a little older. I think the structure and interaction with other kids will be good for him. It is just that I want to be the one taking care of him everyday. I feel like I am going to miss so much. It doesn't help that I commute an hour to work each day. That is just less time to spend with my little man each day. I just keep feeling guilty and I have this huge fear that Grayson will forget me. I mean after all he will spend the majority of his waking hours during the week with Mrs. L. I know that I am being ridiculous but I can't help but fear that he will forget me.
Then there is the flip side. A very very small part of me is excited to get back to work and have some adult interaction. I love my office. I love the people I work with and I couldn't ask for a better boss. He is so family oriented and so understanding. The only thing I hate about my job is the commute. I also keep thinking that by me working Dustin and I are able to provide more for Grayson and any future children we may have. By having two incomes we can do more things, save more money, save more for retirement and for Grayson's college. We actually went and started an account for his college this week. It is crazy to think about doing something like that when he is just 6 weeks old but there is no telling how much college will cost when he is 18. If we have any future children we will just be that much more ahead in savings. I was lucky enough that my parents put me through college and I didn't have any debt when I graduated. I want to be able to do the same for my children. Plus who knows how hard it would be to get back into the working world after being gone for several years. Would anyone hire me and I would probably start all over again in terms of salary (not that I make tons of money now).
I didn't write this post so that anyone would feel sorry for me. I don't feel sorry for myself. I hope that these are normal feelings of any working mother. So hopefully someone will tell me this is normal. Ha! There are tons of kids that go to daycare and they are just fine. I keep reminding myself of that. So if you are a working mom or going to be a working mom I appreciate any advice you may have!
I will leave you with this sweet picture!
4 comments:
I can certainly promise you, your not the first mama to feel this way! And you are exactly right that some days your going to miss that sweet boy, and some days work is going to be just the kinda break you need. Maybe you could build up savings for a while and then take some time off. Or my dream is to somehow figure out how to be one of those blogging moms that blogs for a living??? I have no idea how that works but sounds like a pretty amazing deal to me! Good luck heading back to work!
ps.. SWEET PICTURE!
I can only imagine how tough this will be, but just think about all of the social benefits that Grayson will gain from it as he gets older. My God daughter who will be 3 at the end of September has never been to preschool or daycare because her grandmother is basically a live in nanny for them. It is always so evident that she is not around other children because she is shy and does not know how to share. I know that your little man will do wonderfully no matter where he is!
I am a working mom. I stayed home for the first 6 months of my sons life. I was a single mother and was blessed to live with my sons godparents for the first 2 years after he was born. When I went back to work it was a huge adjustment. I was terrified that leaving him even with his grandmother was going to be like abandoning him.
He is getting ready to turn 3 in October and I have been working for the last 2 years. He went into daycare for the first time in Jan. I won't say I loved it but I will say that you do adjust. Its hard, you miss them, and you always wonder what they are doing and if everything is the way you would to do it... But to keep your sanity it is sometimes necessary to do it.
I'm sure it's a very hard transition, but you will find your own way to make it work! Best of luck to you!
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